Saturday, March 25, 2006
Going Back Today...
Im back off to Ireland this afternoon, so i wont be able to write for a week! Im coming back next saturday and spending the week here, for my dads funeral! It feels strange that im going back because i've been here for nearly 3 weeks straight and now i have to go back to work and all that crap!
Monday, March 20, 2006
Race for Life
Im so tired today, i think everything has just caught up on me now...
Me and mum booked to take part in a Race For Life in Crystal Palace, for Cancer Research UK. Its on my dads birthday so we HAD to do it, it was like fate! :P It'll be fun plus we'll be getting money to help.
The kids all came back today so we had to just get back to normal. It was good but i think thats why im so tired because i've been on autopilot for the past few days, looking after mum and Chris and making millions of cups of tea and coffee, so today i think my mind just relaxed because mum was ok. All of the kids were fine today, they all gave us cuddles and just acted normal. They're all so sensitive and lovely!
Lee is coming over tomorrow and i cant wait to see him. I havent seen him for over a week and he really is my support so im so glad that he is gonna be here. He is really upset as well because him and my dad were really good friends, they didnt see each other as 'Stacey's boyfriend' and 'stacey's dad', they were just friends! They used to sit up all night, while we were on holiday, talking about EVERYTHING and they used to go to the pub together whenever we were home, so its sad for Lee because he has lost his friend and he feels useless being over in Ireland because he wants to be looking after me and my family! He told me that he just wants to give me a cuddle!! I cant wait to get a big fat Lee snuggle!! :P
Me and mum booked to take part in a Race For Life in Crystal Palace, for Cancer Research UK. Its on my dads birthday so we HAD to do it, it was like fate! :P It'll be fun plus we'll be getting money to help.
The kids all came back today so we had to just get back to normal. It was good but i think thats why im so tired because i've been on autopilot for the past few days, looking after mum and Chris and making millions of cups of tea and coffee, so today i think my mind just relaxed because mum was ok. All of the kids were fine today, they all gave us cuddles and just acted normal. They're all so sensitive and lovely!
Lee is coming over tomorrow and i cant wait to see him. I havent seen him for over a week and he really is my support so im so glad that he is gonna be here. He is really upset as well because him and my dad were really good friends, they didnt see each other as 'Stacey's boyfriend' and 'stacey's dad', they were just friends! They used to sit up all night, while we were on holiday, talking about EVERYTHING and they used to go to the pub together whenever we were home, so its sad for Lee because he has lost his friend and he feels useless being over in Ireland because he wants to be looking after me and my family! He told me that he just wants to give me a cuddle!! I cant wait to get a big fat Lee snuggle!! :P
Sunday, March 19, 2006
My Make-up May Be Flaking.....
Everything is completely surreal!! We're kinda on autopilot!! Im so glad we are so close cos we are talking loads and getting things sorted exactly the way dad wanted them!! We've organised all the funeral and everything! Its not until 3 weeks, which is really crap because i have to go back to Ireland for a week then come back! :( Its strange but half of me is looking forward to it because it is going to be our way of showing just how much he meant to us and there are going to be lots of friends there that we havent seen for ages!!
We're having feelings in waves. One minute we're in fits of laughter thinking about things that we've done and the way Dad was, then the next minute we're crying because something we think about makes us sad!! Its craziness!! It still hasnt really sunk in that my dad is never coming back!! The thing is i may not have dad here physically here but i still have a dad and i know he's here with me!!
We went shopping today for clothes for dads funeral. It was so hard! My mum found it really hard! The first shop we went into was the last place dad went shopping in... He lost loadsa weight so they went shopping to get him some new clothes. He was so proud when he found stuff to fit him. So today it upset my mum, knowing he wasnt ever going to do that again! :( We all got cool clothes.... We're wearing black but we're not being all traditional and sad. My nan died in October and i wore a black hat to cover my pink hair and my dad told me not to wear it because i should just be who i am and it isnt disrespectful because its just me!! So even though im wearing black to dads funeral they are going to be clothes that i'd normally wear. Thats what dad wanted!
We're having feelings in waves. One minute we're in fits of laughter thinking about things that we've done and the way Dad was, then the next minute we're crying because something we think about makes us sad!! Its craziness!! It still hasnt really sunk in that my dad is never coming back!! The thing is i may not have dad here physically here but i still have a dad and i know he's here with me!!
We went shopping today for clothes for dads funeral. It was so hard! My mum found it really hard! The first shop we went into was the last place dad went shopping in... He lost loadsa weight so they went shopping to get him some new clothes. He was so proud when he found stuff to fit him. So today it upset my mum, knowing he wasnt ever going to do that again! :( We all got cool clothes.... We're wearing black but we're not being all traditional and sad. My nan died in October and i wore a black hat to cover my pink hair and my dad told me not to wear it because i should just be who i am and it isnt disrespectful because its just me!! So even though im wearing black to dads funeral they are going to be clothes that i'd normally wear. Thats what dad wanted!
Friday, March 17, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
9 Pink and Blue Balloons.
Today was a crazy day!!!!!
Firstly we had our regular 2 nurses in this morning, then my uncle turned up on his way to work. Then my mum and dads friend Kim came round and we had a nice chat. She's been round loads since my dad got really sick and its so nice for them to have such good friends! She went in to my dad and was talking to him and he reacted to her abit so we know he can still hear us (they do say that hearing is the last sense to go). Then my Aunt came round, then my grandad. Then the councillor woman came round for a little chat. Then the priest came again.... he gave my dad absolution which is kinda like the CoE version of the Catholic last rights, but not so depressing. We had a nice chinwag and an unhealthy dose of tea and coffee... then it was time to pick all the nutter kids up from school!!
Me and mum were talking today about what songs we think we should have at dads funeral (how freaky is it arranging all this and he isnt even dead yet!!!) and i think we are more or less sorted now! My mum was worried that certain people in his family are going to try to take over all the organising of it, but we have everything done now so their is nothing for them to take over. They havent really been around the whole time my dad was ill so why should they come in and think they have the right to choose whats best for him when he's dead? Its too late then, they should have been around when it mattered!
I have a killer head ache!!! Think it's just cos im tired!! :(
My mum had a really good idea today. She said that we should buy a helium balloon for each one of the kids that she looks after and write their names on them, then tie them all together and have them at the funeral instead of flowers. Its such a cool idea because balloons are such a happy thing and would be a good symbol from the kids to dad! I think we all underestimated the kids when my dad was first diagnosed. We didnt really think about how this would affect them all. A lot of them have been here since they were babies so my dad was always a prominant figure in their lives and they watched him slowly get more sick. None of them have seen him now because he is in bed but they still ask after him and give us hugs to give to him. Sometimes it is so nice to just have a simple conversation with them about it because everything is so black and white and uncomplicated with them.... A nan of one of the boys was diagnosed with breast cancer last week, but his mum doesnt want to tell him she has cancer, she just said that she is sick, because he has seen my dad the whole way through his illness and she knows he'll probably associate cancer with death and hopefully his nan will recover from this but she doesnt want to frighten him.
Firstly we had our regular 2 nurses in this morning, then my uncle turned up on his way to work. Then my mum and dads friend Kim came round and we had a nice chat. She's been round loads since my dad got really sick and its so nice for them to have such good friends! She went in to my dad and was talking to him and he reacted to her abit so we know he can still hear us (they do say that hearing is the last sense to go). Then my Aunt came round, then my grandad. Then the councillor woman came round for a little chat. Then the priest came again.... he gave my dad absolution which is kinda like the CoE version of the Catholic last rights, but not so depressing. We had a nice chinwag and an unhealthy dose of tea and coffee... then it was time to pick all the nutter kids up from school!!
Me and mum were talking today about what songs we think we should have at dads funeral (how freaky is it arranging all this and he isnt even dead yet!!!) and i think we are more or less sorted now! My mum was worried that certain people in his family are going to try to take over all the organising of it, but we have everything done now so their is nothing for them to take over. They havent really been around the whole time my dad was ill so why should they come in and think they have the right to choose whats best for him when he's dead? Its too late then, they should have been around when it mattered!
I have a killer head ache!!! Think it's just cos im tired!! :(
My mum had a really good idea today. She said that we should buy a helium balloon for each one of the kids that she looks after and write their names on them, then tie them all together and have them at the funeral instead of flowers. Its such a cool idea because balloons are such a happy thing and would be a good symbol from the kids to dad! I think we all underestimated the kids when my dad was first diagnosed. We didnt really think about how this would affect them all. A lot of them have been here since they were babies so my dad was always a prominant figure in their lives and they watched him slowly get more sick. None of them have seen him now because he is in bed but they still ask after him and give us hugs to give to him. Sometimes it is so nice to just have a simple conversation with them about it because everything is so black and white and uncomplicated with them.... A nan of one of the boys was diagnosed with breast cancer last week, but his mum doesnt want to tell him she has cancer, she just said that she is sick, because he has seen my dad the whole way through his illness and she knows he'll probably associate cancer with death and hopefully his nan will recover from this but she doesnt want to frighten him.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
There's Always Someone Worse Off...
Since i started this diary (all of 3 days ago) i've read loads of other peoples. I always believed that no matter how bad off you are there is always someone out there who is worse off than you, so there is no point in feeling sorry for yourself! While i was reading through here i've come across a lot of people who are genuinely in a worse position than me and i know how lucky i am to have all the good things that i have!
Lee has said to me in the past that everybody has to go through the grief of losing somebody, so im not a special case, and i just have to deal with it!! at the time i felt like he was being mean but its only afterwards that i've realised he is actually telling the truth and i dont want people feeling sorry for me or my family and i dont want to feel sorry for myself!
Even though my dad is dying and that is killing me, at least we have millions of memories to look back on! Seriously, my family have done so much together and we've always been really close! Im so proud and happy that i have the family that i have because i've seen how death and sickness can affect other families and literally pull them apart.
Dad has half planned his funeral already! He said that he wants a horse and carriage (like my grandad) and he knows which graveyard he wants to go to. The funeral directors we are going to use, Albins, are originally from where my dad grew up and they know some of our family, they also buried my nan and grandad!! Its a strange world because we used to own a green grocers, which was the first home my brother lived in when he was born, its now a funeral home owned by Albins and that is going to be my dads last resting place... It was my brothers first place and now its going to be my dads last, as well as my grandads!! Its so wierd to think about it like that! My dad was never really religious... he always believed there was something out there but he didnt really go in for all the religion stuff, but he wanted to meet the priest that is going to do his funeral. So the priest has been round twice (and is coming tomorrow) to meet us all and he is really lovely. My dad wanted the priest to know what he was like because he hates the way funerals are so scripted... the priest saying that he's heard the deceased was a lovely person!! WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!!!
I went to the florist the other day to see if they could make up the wreath i want for my dads funeral... Im getting him a big face of Animal from the Muppets because that was always his nickname and he used to call me Beaker from the Muppets! Its completely surreal ordering flowers for somebody who hasnt even died yett! i've also been thinking about what im going to wear for his funeral!! Its mad what goes through your head when you have nothing else to think about!! My dad was always really proud about how i didnt dress the way everybody else did and he had a moan at me when my nan died because i wore a black hat to cover my pink hair and he didnt want me to. So even though i think im going to wear black for his funeral, its definately not going to be the normal skirt, shirt and jacket crap!!! It sounds real morbid but when Dad was better we talked about his funeral a few times and he was adament that he didnt want it to be all doom and gloom, he said he wanted a FUNeral!!! so even though its going to be the hardest thing any of us have ever done, i know that we're not going to be all depressed and morbid!!!
Lee has said to me in the past that everybody has to go through the grief of losing somebody, so im not a special case, and i just have to deal with it!! at the time i felt like he was being mean but its only afterwards that i've realised he is actually telling the truth and i dont want people feeling sorry for me or my family and i dont want to feel sorry for myself!
Even though my dad is dying and that is killing me, at least we have millions of memories to look back on! Seriously, my family have done so much together and we've always been really close! Im so proud and happy that i have the family that i have because i've seen how death and sickness can affect other families and literally pull them apart.
Dad has half planned his funeral already! He said that he wants a horse and carriage (like my grandad) and he knows which graveyard he wants to go to. The funeral directors we are going to use, Albins, are originally from where my dad grew up and they know some of our family, they also buried my nan and grandad!! Its a strange world because we used to own a green grocers, which was the first home my brother lived in when he was born, its now a funeral home owned by Albins and that is going to be my dads last resting place... It was my brothers first place and now its going to be my dads last, as well as my grandads!! Its so wierd to think about it like that! My dad was never really religious... he always believed there was something out there but he didnt really go in for all the religion stuff, but he wanted to meet the priest that is going to do his funeral. So the priest has been round twice (and is coming tomorrow) to meet us all and he is really lovely. My dad wanted the priest to know what he was like because he hates the way funerals are so scripted... the priest saying that he's heard the deceased was a lovely person!! WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!!!
I went to the florist the other day to see if they could make up the wreath i want for my dads funeral... Im getting him a big face of Animal from the Muppets because that was always his nickname and he used to call me Beaker from the Muppets! Its completely surreal ordering flowers for somebody who hasnt even died yett! i've also been thinking about what im going to wear for his funeral!! Its mad what goes through your head when you have nothing else to think about!! My dad was always really proud about how i didnt dress the way everybody else did and he had a moan at me when my nan died because i wore a black hat to cover my pink hair and he didnt want me to. So even though i think im going to wear black for his funeral, its definately not going to be the normal skirt, shirt and jacket crap!!! It sounds real morbid but when Dad was better we talked about his funeral a few times and he was adament that he didnt want it to be all doom and gloom, he said he wanted a FUNeral!!! so even though its going to be the hardest thing any of us have ever done, i know that we're not going to be all depressed and morbid!!!
Kids are insane...
This house is nuts.... i've decided!! The floor is covered with a Playmobile zoo, which no matter how many times you try to tidy it up and make it actually look like a zoo, the kids manage to wreck it all and make it look like an animal murder scene!!! Plus now im being made to suffer the pain that is CBeebies!!! Help me god!!!!
Dad had another loopy night of trying to get up and just general fidgeting! So mum phoned the night nurses and they came out and gave him some more sedative, just to calm him down. That was at about 4 but by 7 he had decided that he wanted to get up and leap about... except he cant so he ended up sitting on the floor beside the bed... me and mum tried to get him back into bed but mum has a bad back and dad couldnt do anything, so me and Chrisy did it. He's in bed now and hasnt moved all morning! Poor mum, she's been up all night and now she is working! :(
The doctor just came in a while ago and she told us that she thinks dad only has a short time left. What do you say when someone tells you that!? Mum is scared now.... its hard when something like this is happening even though you know its going to!!! I know we'll all be ok though because we're a pretty strong family and we all look out for each other and we all have brilliant mates who are there for us! :)
Even though Dad is sedated he is still vaguely aware of what is going on. I went up to him a minute ago, just to see if he is alright! I asked him if he was ok and he's trying to talk but he's impossible to understand!! Its so hard leaving the room afterwards because i was thinking is there something he is trying to say that i cant understand!!! Is it important or is it nonsense again? Its such an empty feeling because im useless!
Dad had another loopy night of trying to get up and just general fidgeting! So mum phoned the night nurses and they came out and gave him some more sedative, just to calm him down. That was at about 4 but by 7 he had decided that he wanted to get up and leap about... except he cant so he ended up sitting on the floor beside the bed... me and mum tried to get him back into bed but mum has a bad back and dad couldnt do anything, so me and Chrisy did it. He's in bed now and hasnt moved all morning! Poor mum, she's been up all night and now she is working! :(
The doctor just came in a while ago and she told us that she thinks dad only has a short time left. What do you say when someone tells you that!? Mum is scared now.... its hard when something like this is happening even though you know its going to!!! I know we'll all be ok though because we're a pretty strong family and we all look out for each other and we all have brilliant mates who are there for us! :)
Even though Dad is sedated he is still vaguely aware of what is going on. I went up to him a minute ago, just to see if he is alright! I asked him if he was ok and he's trying to talk but he's impossible to understand!! Its so hard leaving the room afterwards because i was thinking is there something he is trying to say that i cant understand!!! Is it important or is it nonsense again? Its such an empty feeling because im useless!
Monday, March 13, 2006
My Poor Little Pops
The nurses have upped dads drugs now so he is more sedated now that he was, so he is calmer!
My mum is feeling really guilty now because he is so sedated! She is worried that this is the last time he'll know we're around but its better that he doesnt know anything than him knowing we're there but being frustrated!! Its so hard and it still feels like its a completely different world, it doesnt seem real!!
The nurses went through what we have to do when Dad dies, we've had to get the number of the GP and the funeral directors at hand just incase! It seems crazy to be doing all that cos its still not sinking in yet that he's going to die. I dont think it's going to hit me until it actually happens. He originally decided that he wanted to go into the hospice to die but when he got more sick he was scared to go in... It was the final stage for him, so he decided to stay at home, which my mum was completely fine with.
He is literally sleeping all the time now! I feel so useless when i look at him and i feel so sorry for the fact that he cant do anything anymore! My mum is so upset today. It must be so hard for her, watching the man she loves dying. They've been together longer than they have been apart! They got married when they were 18 and knew each other from when they were about 13!! I would be devastated if i lost Lee and we've only been together for 4 years, so i cant even imagine how she feels now she is losing dad after all these years!! I know she'll be ok though because she is the most amazingly strong person in the whole world and i am so proud of her and im glad i have her to look after me and me to look after her!! :)
My mum is feeling really guilty now because he is so sedated! She is worried that this is the last time he'll know we're around but its better that he doesnt know anything than him knowing we're there but being frustrated!! Its so hard and it still feels like its a completely different world, it doesnt seem real!!
The nurses went through what we have to do when Dad dies, we've had to get the number of the GP and the funeral directors at hand just incase! It seems crazy to be doing all that cos its still not sinking in yet that he's going to die. I dont think it's going to hit me until it actually happens. He originally decided that he wanted to go into the hospice to die but when he got more sick he was scared to go in... It was the final stage for him, so he decided to stay at home, which my mum was completely fine with.
He is literally sleeping all the time now! I feel so useless when i look at him and i feel so sorry for the fact that he cant do anything anymore! My mum is so upset today. It must be so hard for her, watching the man she loves dying. They've been together longer than they have been apart! They got married when they were 18 and knew each other from when they were about 13!! I would be devastated if i lost Lee and we've only been together for 4 years, so i cant even imagine how she feels now she is losing dad after all these years!! I know she'll be ok though because she is the most amazingly strong person in the whole world and i am so proud of her and im glad i have her to look after me and me to look after her!! :)
The Wrong Trousers Gromit...
Right, Im over in London for two weeks and i only discovered this morning that i have left my tracksuit bottoms at home in Dublin so i only have two pairs of jeans and some crappy bottoms my brother gave me....thats all i have for 2 WEEKS!!! Help me!!!
My mum was up all night with my dad because he decided that after a whole day of being sleepy and quiet he was going to spend the whole night trying to get out of bed! I told her to call me if she needs anything in the night but she says one of us needs to be sane during the day.
My brother was mugged last week so he was off school for the whole of last week because he got punched in the face and had to have stitches in his lip (yuck!!!!!)... its his first day back today, bet he is loving all the attention he's getting!! I'd be layering it on thick!! :P
Had left over pizza for breakfast which was nice except for the garlic breath i now have for the rest of the day!! Woohoo!!
I literally have nothing to do all day... all im doing is helping mum out with dad and the kids... but when there is nothing to do im just sitting on here all the time, hence the mass of writing and double entries!! Im glad i have this diary thing cos it gives me something to do... if i wasnt on here i'd be pulling my bleeding eyeballs out with boredom and frustration!!!! Its cool too, cos i've given the address to my mates so they can see what the story is in Chez Stacey. Im eating like a freak because there is nothing else to do... im gonna go back to Dublin like a heifer!!!
The night nurses have just been, to make sure that dad is ok. One of them, J, used to be my childminder when i was a baby (18 years ago). Mum got a bit upset that a woman who knew my dad when he was young, fit and healthy, and who looked after his daughter, is now looking after him and giving him drinks of water with a syringe!! Its so degrading and unfair. I wish i could take away some of my mums pain because it has really hit her now.
My mum was up all night with my dad because he decided that after a whole day of being sleepy and quiet he was going to spend the whole night trying to get out of bed! I told her to call me if she needs anything in the night but she says one of us needs to be sane during the day.
My brother was mugged last week so he was off school for the whole of last week because he got punched in the face and had to have stitches in his lip (yuck!!!!!)... its his first day back today, bet he is loving all the attention he's getting!! I'd be layering it on thick!! :P
Had left over pizza for breakfast which was nice except for the garlic breath i now have for the rest of the day!! Woohoo!!
I literally have nothing to do all day... all im doing is helping mum out with dad and the kids... but when there is nothing to do im just sitting on here all the time, hence the mass of writing and double entries!! Im glad i have this diary thing cos it gives me something to do... if i wasnt on here i'd be pulling my bleeding eyeballs out with boredom and frustration!!!! Its cool too, cos i've given the address to my mates so they can see what the story is in Chez Stacey. Im eating like a freak because there is nothing else to do... im gonna go back to Dublin like a heifer!!!
The night nurses have just been, to make sure that dad is ok. One of them, J, used to be my childminder when i was a baby (18 years ago). Mum got a bit upset that a woman who knew my dad when he was young, fit and healthy, and who looked after his daughter, is now looking after him and giving him drinks of water with a syringe!! Its so degrading and unfair. I wish i could take away some of my mums pain because it has really hit her now.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Back Home
My dad is really sick now. Its so hard looking at him so ill. He is sleeping most of the time and when he is awake, for a minute or two, he is really hard to understand and he talks about strange thing. This morning he told me he had some rottweilers for me. He must be dreaming about things and doesnt realise they aren't real. He has lost all of his weight now and he is literally skin and bones. He used to be really fat with a big beer belly so its so sad that he is so skinny now. He looks like an old man. He's spending all his time in bed now, even though he keeps trying to get up. He's too weak though so we cant let him get up otherwise he will fall. So me and mum have been spending as much time as possible upstairs with him so he knows we're there.
It must be so horrible for him. i think he must be really frustrated, he's gone from being independent to not even being allowed out of bed! Most of me wants him to stay around and i still want him to get better, but a tiny bit of me wants him to just go because then he wouldnt be suffering and be so ill. Lee's mum had a heart attack in November 2004 and was in a coma for 2 weeks before she died. Lee explained to me a while ago that at first he wished that his mum would get better but when he realised she wouldnt then he wished her to die because he didnt want her to be half of what she should have been. So i suppose it is the unselfish part of us that wants someone we love to die, its the selfish bit that wants them to stay here no matter what, because we dont want to let them go and lose them!
Me and Mum had a little cry this morning. But there is no point in getting too into the sadness otherwise we wont be able to get back out of it. So we had a little cry then got back on with it.
My mum ordered a supermarket delivery but half of it didnt come because their system crashed (yeah right!!!) so because there was no food in the house me and my brother, Chris, put on our best whiney voices and asked if we could get pizza (otherwise we would've starved obviously) so now im full up to my eyeballs with pizza and i feel like a big, tired elephant!! :P
Night night
It must be so horrible for him. i think he must be really frustrated, he's gone from being independent to not even being allowed out of bed! Most of me wants him to stay around and i still want him to get better, but a tiny bit of me wants him to just go because then he wouldnt be suffering and be so ill. Lee's mum had a heart attack in November 2004 and was in a coma for 2 weeks before she died. Lee explained to me a while ago that at first he wished that his mum would get better but when he realised she wouldnt then he wished her to die because he didnt want her to be half of what she should have been. So i suppose it is the unselfish part of us that wants someone we love to die, its the selfish bit that wants them to stay here no matter what, because we dont want to let them go and lose them!
Me and Mum had a little cry this morning. But there is no point in getting too into the sadness otherwise we wont be able to get back out of it. So we had a little cry then got back on with it.
My mum ordered a supermarket delivery but half of it didnt come because their system crashed (yeah right!!!) so because there was no food in the house me and my brother, Chris, put on our best whiney voices and asked if we could get pizza (otherwise we would've starved obviously) so now im full up to my eyeballs with pizza and i feel like a big, tired elephant!! :P
Night night
Hello
Right, I'll start off by introducing myself. My name is Stacey and i live in Dublin. Im from London but i moved to Ireland 3 years ago because that is where my boyfriend, Lee, is from. I work in a creche, which i love, and my life is pretty happy.
A year and a half ago my dad was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer. He was only 43. On one hand it seems like so long ago but on the other had it seems to have gone way too fast. In August 2004, we were in Florida for a 2 week holiday. My dad had been suffering from pain in his side for a while but the doctor just thought it was simply kidney stones, so he'd been in for tests before the holiday and would get the results when we got home from Florida. I dont think any of us were too worried about it because we didnt think it was too serious, kidney stones are common and can be treated. Dad was a bit temperatmental during the holiday and was really struggling with the heat which was strange because we'd been to Florida a few times before and he'd never really been bothered by the heat even though he had a big fat belly. None of this stopped him and Lee sitting round the pool till 4 or 5 in the morning so we werent too worried. Then when we got home there was a letter for my dad to go to the hospital as soon as possible. This worried us a little bit but i know that i definately didnt think about cancer at all. Its something you never think will happen to you, so it didnt cross my mind. So you can imagine the smack in the face i got a while later. Me and Lee were back in Dublin and he'd just picked me up from work for lunch, when Mum phoned and told me Dad had Kidney Cancer. I just cried, i didnt know what to say, but it didnt seem real. I dont remember much about the rest of the day, i didnt go back to work that afternoon. I prayed to God that my dad would be ok, i didnt want him to die. I've never been religious but i think everyone preys to someone when something bad happens, you need something to cling to and hope for help from.
A week or so later Dad was in hospital having his kidney taken out. I dont really remember how i felt then because i must have shut it all out, that was the easy way to deal with it. The operation took almost 8 hours. The surgeon explained that it took so long because the cancer had wrapped itself around his aeorta (the major artery which goes down your spine), they'd had to unwrap it really slowly because if they had cut the artery my dad would probably have bled to death. This kinda made me realise how serious this was. The surgeon said that a lot of other surgeons would've just stitched dad back up and said there was nothing they could do rather than risk cutting the artery. Dad was lucky he had the surgeon that he did. My mum and dad were shown a picture of the kidney, which was a tiny pink dot amongst all the white cancer. The doctors said that the cancer had been there for up to 5 years. It explained the mood swings in Florida and the fact that he couldnt control his temperature, the cancer was pushing on the glands which control your mood and your temperature control so his body went a bit nuts!
A few weeks ago, on Monday 27th February, the nurses told my mum that she thought i should come home from Dublin soon because it didnt look like my dad would be around for much longer. So she phoned and we booked a flight for me to come over on the following saturday and Lee to come over on the Monday after (we've just bought an apartment and Lee's a taxi man so he has to work the weekends). I was worried but i was happy that my flights were booked and i didnt think dad was so sick that he wouldnt make it until then. Mum said that the nurses were underestimating his stubborn-ness. He wasnt about to give in. Then on the following Wednesday 29th my mum phoned me while i was at work. She said that the nurses werent sure whether dad would make it till saturday and they thought i should get home as soon as possible. The girls at work were brilliant. I let myself have a little cry to them for 5 minutes then it was all stations go. I phoned lee and he got our flights booked for that afternoon. The girls sent me home straight away even though our boss was away for the week, they covered for me until she got back, then they told her what had happened and she was really understanding. Me and Lee stayed here for a week, helping mum out. She is a childminder so she has to look after Dad at home as well as all the kids. So we did everything that we could while we were here, but a week later we had to go back to Dublin. Lee came up with the idea that i should see if i could get 2 weeks off work to come back here and give mum a hand. So i asked my boss and she was really good about it. So now im back in England, i came home last night, and my whole life is all over the place.
Im going to try and write in here as often as possible.
Thanks for readingxx
A year and a half ago my dad was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer. He was only 43. On one hand it seems like so long ago but on the other had it seems to have gone way too fast. In August 2004, we were in Florida for a 2 week holiday. My dad had been suffering from pain in his side for a while but the doctor just thought it was simply kidney stones, so he'd been in for tests before the holiday and would get the results when we got home from Florida. I dont think any of us were too worried about it because we didnt think it was too serious, kidney stones are common and can be treated. Dad was a bit temperatmental during the holiday and was really struggling with the heat which was strange because we'd been to Florida a few times before and he'd never really been bothered by the heat even though he had a big fat belly. None of this stopped him and Lee sitting round the pool till 4 or 5 in the morning so we werent too worried. Then when we got home there was a letter for my dad to go to the hospital as soon as possible. This worried us a little bit but i know that i definately didnt think about cancer at all. Its something you never think will happen to you, so it didnt cross my mind. So you can imagine the smack in the face i got a while later. Me and Lee were back in Dublin and he'd just picked me up from work for lunch, when Mum phoned and told me Dad had Kidney Cancer. I just cried, i didnt know what to say, but it didnt seem real. I dont remember much about the rest of the day, i didnt go back to work that afternoon. I prayed to God that my dad would be ok, i didnt want him to die. I've never been religious but i think everyone preys to someone when something bad happens, you need something to cling to and hope for help from.
A week or so later Dad was in hospital having his kidney taken out. I dont really remember how i felt then because i must have shut it all out, that was the easy way to deal with it. The operation took almost 8 hours. The surgeon explained that it took so long because the cancer had wrapped itself around his aeorta (the major artery which goes down your spine), they'd had to unwrap it really slowly because if they had cut the artery my dad would probably have bled to death. This kinda made me realise how serious this was. The surgeon said that a lot of other surgeons would've just stitched dad back up and said there was nothing they could do rather than risk cutting the artery. Dad was lucky he had the surgeon that he did. My mum and dad were shown a picture of the kidney, which was a tiny pink dot amongst all the white cancer. The doctors said that the cancer had been there for up to 5 years. It explained the mood swings in Florida and the fact that he couldnt control his temperature, the cancer was pushing on the glands which control your mood and your temperature control so his body went a bit nuts!
A few weeks ago, on Monday 27th February, the nurses told my mum that she thought i should come home from Dublin soon because it didnt look like my dad would be around for much longer. So she phoned and we booked a flight for me to come over on the following saturday and Lee to come over on the Monday after (we've just bought an apartment and Lee's a taxi man so he has to work the weekends). I was worried but i was happy that my flights were booked and i didnt think dad was so sick that he wouldnt make it until then. Mum said that the nurses were underestimating his stubborn-ness. He wasnt about to give in. Then on the following Wednesday 29th my mum phoned me while i was at work. She said that the nurses werent sure whether dad would make it till saturday and they thought i should get home as soon as possible. The girls at work were brilliant. I let myself have a little cry to them for 5 minutes then it was all stations go. I phoned lee and he got our flights booked for that afternoon. The girls sent me home straight away even though our boss was away for the week, they covered for me until she got back, then they told her what had happened and she was really understanding. Me and Lee stayed here for a week, helping mum out. She is a childminder so she has to look after Dad at home as well as all the kids. So we did everything that we could while we were here, but a week later we had to go back to Dublin. Lee came up with the idea that i should see if i could get 2 weeks off work to come back here and give mum a hand. So i asked my boss and she was really good about it. So now im back in England, i came home last night, and my whole life is all over the place.
Im going to try and write in here as often as possible.
Thanks for readingxx
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