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My dad is really sick now. Its so hard looking at him so ill. He is sleeping most of the time and when he is awake, for a minute or two, he is really hard to understand and he talks about strange thing. This morning he told me he had some rottweilers for me. He must be dreaming about things and doesnt realise they aren't real. He has lost all of his weight now and he is literally skin and bones. He used to be really fat with a big beer belly so its so sad that he is so skinny now. He looks like an old man. He's spending all his time in bed now, even though he keeps trying to get up. He's too weak though so we cant let him get up otherwise he will fall. So me and mum have been spending as much time as possible upstairs with him so he knows we're there.
It must be so horrible for him. i think he must be really frustrated, he's gone from being independent to not even being allowed out of bed! Most of me wants him to stay around and i still want him to get better, but a tiny bit of me wants him to just go because then he wouldnt be suffering and be so ill. Lee's mum had a heart attack in November 2004 and was in a coma for 2 weeks before she died. Lee explained to me a while ago that at first he wished that his mum would get better but when he realised she wouldnt then he wished her to die because he didnt want her to be half of what she should have been. So i suppose it is the unselfish part of us that wants someone we love to die, its the selfish bit that wants them to stay here no matter what, because we dont want to let them go and lose them!
Me and Mum had a little cry this morning. But there is no point in getting too into the sadness otherwise we wont be able to get back out of it. So we had a little cry then got back on with it.
My mum ordered a supermarket delivery but half of it didnt come because their system crashed (yeah right!!!) so because there was no food in the house me and my brother, Chris, put on our best whiney voices and asked if we could get pizza (otherwise we would've starved obviously) so now im full up to my eyeballs with pizza and i feel like a big, tired elephant!! :P
Night night