My Speech

This is my little speech for my dads funeral on Thursday;

I found writing this really hard. How do you write about one of the most important people in your life? Someone who has always been there no matter what and who gave you complete unconditional love…
I remember the first time I realised that we all die. I was watching a program with dad on the Egyptian mummies and I got really upset because I didn’t want my family to die. Dad gave me a cuddle and told me that when I was older I would understand, that made me feel better and I was happy with the fact that I’d go to heaven and be able to meet Freddie Mercury!!!! I hope Dads up there now with him because it was his music that we loved. Me, Dad and Chris would put Queen CDs on at full blast, while mum was at work on Sundays, and sing and dance in the dark. To this day Queen are my favourite band because their music holds such special memories for me.
Dad told me and Chris to play ‘The Show Must Go On’ today. That truly was his philosophy to everything, including his illness. He never gave in, even when me and him were arguing. We were both so stubborn, if he was right, I was righter and neither of us would back down!! He fought against his illness right up till the day before he died. The song says ‘I’ll face it with a grin, I’m never giving in’ and that’s exactly what dad did, with his cheeky smile. We all talked a lot about today before dad died. He didn’t want today to be all depressing and sad. He wanted it to be a FUNeral, not a funeral. I’m so proud of him, how he kept on cracking jokes and fought it so hard because he didn’t want to leave us.
A few weeks before he died he asked me if me and Chris blamed him for being sick because he smoked. Even when he was really sick he still thought about us and felt guilty. We could never blame him. He was so strong and didn’t deserve to be ill. He looked after us our whole lives and never let us down, how would we be able to blame him.
Even though Dad has died I still believe that I have a dad. He’s alive in our memories and when we talk about him. He helped turn me into who I am and I’m glad that I have the same annoying traits as him. No matter what happens he’s always there in who I am.

Dad, as Freddie Mercury said ‘your soul is painted like the wings of butterflies’, enjoy it up there and keep looking after us.

I'll Face It With a Grin...

Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore

The show must go on,
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
Whatever happens,
I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I'm learning
I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning
Round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark
I'm aching to be free....

The show must go on,
The show must go on,
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on

The show must go on
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On with the show

I'll top the bill,
I'll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the show
On with the show
The show must go on.

Maybe it's Because I'm a Londoner

Hello everyone, Im back in London now. Got home last night! I couldnt wait to get home because i missed my mum and chris... but now im home i miss Lee!!! He is coming over on Tuesday and his sister and her kids are coming over on Wednesday!It was really weird flying last night because i was flying home for my dads funeral and it just felt really unreal and strange!! :( I still dont think its properly sunk in yet! Im worried abit that its just gonna come up one day and wack me in the face... cos im over having little moments of being upset at the moment!
When i was on the plane home last saturday it really hit me that my dad is gone. I had a little cry with Lee. I think that it was the fact that i was going back to every day life and that was the end of it, it was all normal and everyone else was getting on with their lives! I got really upset on Sunday night because i was back to work on Monday morning and i was really nervous about getting back into the swing of things! I knew i would be ok once i actually got into work (when you're surrounded by little kids, in a creche, you dont have a choice but to get on with it) but i just didnt want to make the effort and go in!! Lee told me it was normal... i dont want people to forget about my dad! I think thats what upset me most, i know its common and ok to feel this way, but i just felt like getting back to normal was gonna make everyone forget about him!! But everyone talked to me about my dad when i got to work and no one forgot about it!!
Im actually glad that there is 3 weeks between dad dying and his actual funeral. In Ireland people are normally buried with in 3 days. I dont know if i like that though. It took me a week and a half for it to actually register properly in my head that dad had died so if he had already been buried in that time it would've been a massive hit because that would have been everything over and done with and it really would have been just getting on with our lives. At least this way we have had time to really get used to it and it means we can give dad a last present from us by making his funeral EXACTLY what he wanted. Lee told me that when his mum died the funeral was just a blur to him and even now he doesnt remember some bits.... it was all such a rush. At least we can take in the whole day and remember it all! :)