There's Always Someone Worse Off...

Since i started this diary (all of 3 days ago) i've read loads of other peoples. I always believed that no matter how bad off you are there is always someone out there who is worse off than you, so there is no point in feeling sorry for yourself! While i was reading through here i've come across a lot of people who are genuinely in a worse position than me and i know how lucky i am to have all the good things that i have!
Lee has said to me in the past that everybody has to go through the grief of losing somebody, so im not a special case, and i just have to deal with it!! at the time i felt like he was being mean but its only afterwards that i've realised he is actually telling the truth and i dont want people feeling sorry for me or my family and i dont want to feel sorry for myself!
Even though my dad is dying and that is killing me, at least we have millions of memories to look back on! Seriously, my family have done so much together and we've always been really close! Im so proud and happy that i have the family that i have because i've seen how death and sickness can affect other families and literally pull them apart.
Dad has half planned his funeral already! He said that he wants a horse and carriage (like my grandad) and he knows which graveyard he wants to go to. The funeral directors we are going to use, Albins, are originally from where my dad grew up and they know some of our family, they also buried my nan and grandad!! Its a strange world because we used to own a green grocers, which was the first home my brother lived in when he was born, its now a funeral home owned by Albins and that is going to be my dads last resting place... It was my brothers first place and now its going to be my dads last, as well as my grandads!! Its so wierd to think about it like that! My dad was never really religious... he always believed there was something out there but he didnt really go in for all the religion stuff, but he wanted to meet the priest that is going to do his funeral. So the priest has been round twice (and is coming tomorrow) to meet us all and he is really lovely. My dad wanted the priest to know what he was like because he hates the way funerals are so scripted... the priest saying that he's heard the deceased was a lovely person!! WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!!!
I went to the florist the other day to see if they could make up the wreath i want for my dads funeral... Im getting him a big face of Animal from the Muppets because that was always his nickname and he used to call me Beaker from the Muppets! Its completely surreal ordering flowers for somebody who hasnt even died yett! i've also been thinking about what im going to wear for his funeral!! Its mad what goes through your head when you have nothing else to think about!! My dad was always really proud about how i didnt dress the way everybody else did and he had a moan at me when my nan died because i wore a black hat to cover my pink hair and he didnt want me to. So even though i think im going to wear black for his funeral, its definately not going to be the normal skirt, shirt and jacket crap!!! It sounds real morbid but when Dad was better we talked about his funeral a few times and he was adament that he didnt want it to be all doom and gloom, he said he wanted a FUNeral!!! so even though its going to be the hardest thing any of us have ever done, i know that we're not going to be all depressed and morbid!!!