Oh why is life so hard!

My mum's boyfriend, M, does my brother (C) and my boyfriend (lee's) heads in. They moan to me telling me what he's doing blah blah blah, but what am i supposed to do about it all!!?? It's as if they moan to me and expect me to sort it all out.

Yeah, ok WE should all be talking to Mum and telling her what we think. But i dont want to make anything bad, i dont want her to feel awkward or like her kids are unhappy with her! I dont want things to be worse than they are! She's been through so much in the past (with deaths, caring for family members, me moving to another country etc) that i just want her to be happy now.

I can deal with M. I dont let him interrupt me anymore or change my arrangements. I dont think he's as bad as C and L do. They think he does things on purpose to block us all out because he doesn't like us being around! I dont know if this is true. I can see how hard it would be to come into a family as close as ours and just try to fit in! We have our own way of doing things, talking to each other etc. It must be hard to come into that and kinda feel like your 'replacing' someone who's died! But at the end of the day, we're here whether he likes it or not so it's tough!

I can come back home and not see him for a few weeks/months till i go back again! But C has to be around him all the time, especially now that he's moving in to the house. C is 19 so should be able to talk about what he thinks! Every step of the way he has been asked how he feels about things, does he mind, how is he etc. But he wont say anything, just grunts 'yeah', that's it! I try to talk to him too but he doesn't tell me anything! So he just bitches to me about how I should be doing stuff about it, gets drunk and then gets upset, but wont do anything for real!!!

Lee's fighting with me because im just trying to get on with things but he thinks i should be talking to mum to sort it all out! Why is everything always on my shoulders! I can't deal with it! I want everyone to be happy!!!! Is that ever going to happen!!!

My little Nan

My nan died on the 31st October (She picked a crazy day!!!!!)
Her funeral was on 14th and i couldnt go cos it was back home and im not allowed to fly now cos im over 32 weeks and my mum wouldnt let me get the boat cos it would be a whole day of travelling and she thought it would be too much for me!
I felt so crap on Tuesday, knowing that everyone was there to say goodbye and i couldnt be there! I know my nan would want me to look after myself and my aunt said that i didnt have to be at the funeral to say goodbye cos my nan can hear me wherever she is, but i just felt so sad!

My nan was so cool!! She was one of my favorite people when i was growing up and she was always brilliant to me. She had a stroke 5 years ago and lived with us for 2 years but then went into a home. I always sent her Dublin postcards to tell her what we were getting up to over here, now i really miss being able to do that!! Im sad for the person she used to be, cos more recently she went down hill and wasnt always 100% aware of what was going on around her.
In the past year 4 members of my family have died, obviously my dad was the hardest! I just wish it would stop now! Its not fair that this keeps happening to us! I think that we all deserve a bit of a break now! There's not many of us left now!!!!
At least we have someone really special arriving in 4 weeks (you had better not be late baby!!!) and we're all so excited!! I really really cant wait to just meet the baby now!! Im so excited to know whether its a boy or a girl!! oooooo.....cant wait!!!

Only 6 weeks left....

...im 34 weeks today and im so excited to just meet the baby now!

Having a nice day.

Had a cool day today!! Just slobbed out round the house!! Was really grumpy this morning but think that was just because we got back off our holidays yesterday and i had the 'back at home' blues!! We went food shopping - love it- and planted some seeds in our little 'garden' on our balcony, then spent the afternoon snuggled up on the sofa with Leo, watching crappy Saturday tv!!!!The baby is flapping around like a nut now!! Really weird feeling!!
Great day
xxxx

Oo..we're going to Ibiza

Im so excited!! We're going in the morning!! Have to leave for the airport at 4:30!! I love getting up that early when you know you're going on holiday!!! Cant wait!!!

Last time in London as non-parents

Just got home to London and im so happy to see my mum and Chris but im really not looking forward to tomorrow, feel like we're wasting a whole day on that stupid wedding when we could be doing other stuff!!!! Ahhhh!!!!
My brother felt the baby kick tonight but every time mum tried to feel it it stopped moving! She's preying it kicks her before we go home on sunday!! Im sure it will... i'll send it 'kick her' vibes!!
My back is killing me from sitting on the aeroplane and the trains!! Its always hurting me now, probably something to do with the fact that i have a big heavy beach ball attached to my belly!! Hehe!
We were thinking earlier that this is the last time im going to be back home without the baby. Next time i set foot in London im going to be a mummy. Its amazing!! Its still not sinking in 100%, we've only got 15 weeks left until we're officially parents.
We had a check up this morning and Lee heard the baby's heart beating for the first time, he was amazed!! He still cant get over it. Its so lovely sharing this with him, he makes me feel so special and i think that we're both so lucky to be able to share this with each other. I really cant wait to meet our tiny little person now!!!!!!!