Going home on Friday, for the weekend!! Woohoo!!! But we have to go to my horrible aunts wedding and i really dont want to!! My dads sister and brother were really nasty to him when he was dying, they didnt give a crap about helping him out and just being there (i think my aunt visited twice in the year that he was sick and she only lives a little while away!).
My dad did everything to help them out when they needed him and when he needed something back (nothing much, just for them to care) they weren't there for him. I'll never forgive them for hurting him so much when he knew he was going to die. My mum feels like she has to go because if she doesnt then she is the one who has snubbed them and they'll have something bad to say about her but at least if she goes she wont ever have to do anything with them again! I can understand what she's saying but i still wanna snub them and show them that i dont like them for what they did to my dad!!! He said to me that once he died i would never have to speak to them again if i dont want to so i know he wouldnt expect me to go to this stupid wedding if i didnt want to. The only reason im going is to look after my mum because they tried to start a fight with her at the funeral and i know they'll have something to say on Saturday!! They're horrible people!!!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Father Christmas is bringing me the best present ever!!!
Im back and i finally have some good news, Im 5 months pregnant!!
Im so happy!
The baby is due on 15th December (knowing my luck it'll be 10 days over due and i'll be screaming on Christmas Day!!) and i cant wait, im trying to forget that i actually have to go through all the labour crap, its easy blanking it if you dont read the books too much!!
The baby's kicking around loads now, its such a cool feeling!! Lee felt it kick for the first time yesterday and he was so excited. It gave him a proper boot in the hand!!
We dont know if it is a boy or a girl, Lee wont let me find out (party pooper!!) but i suppose it all adds to the fun of waiting for it.
Im so happy!
The baby is due on 15th December (knowing my luck it'll be 10 days over due and i'll be screaming on Christmas Day!!) and i cant wait, im trying to forget that i actually have to go through all the labour crap, its easy blanking it if you dont read the books too much!!
The baby's kicking around loads now, its such a cool feeling!! Lee felt it kick for the first time yesterday and he was so excited. It gave him a proper boot in the hand!!
We dont know if it is a boy or a girl, Lee wont let me find out (party pooper!!) but i suppose it all adds to the fun of waiting for it.
Sunday, May 7, 2006
Saturday, May 6, 2006
Im Back...
Hello everyone, finally back in London for a few days!! Im glad to be here cos i missed mum and chris! But Lee stayed in Ireland (long story, tell you in a minute!) so i miss him!! My wolly of a boyfriend snapped his Achilles Tendon a few weeks ago, playing gaelic football, and he had to get an operation to fix it back into place (YUCK!!!!). So because he's in a cast they didnt want him to fly incase of blood clots!! Bless him though because this week he was supposed to be going to Spain on a Stags weekend!!! So he's in Dublin all on his lonesome, im here and ALL of his friends are in Spain!! :(
Me and my mum are doing the Race 4 Life tomorrow. Im actually really excited even though i didnt train for it AT ALL!! So im gonna be a big fat sloth dragging myself along the course!! hehe!! It'll be fun though, with my mum!!
It was my birthday last week. It was a bit strange because it was the first one without my dad, so i didnt know how to react to it, it just seemed like another day. But all my friends and family messaged me and sent me cards and presents and Lee made a big deal out of the day and made me feel nice. I came home last night and my mum bought me a digital camcorder/camera and it is amazing! I havent put it down since last night and now i have crazy pictures of literally everything in the house!! hahaha!!
We went up to dads grave today because it is his birthday tomorrow. We bought a few different shaped helium balloons (a whale, a monkey and one that says "My dad is the best") that mean things to us and we bought a big buddah statue (Because one of the kids said my dad looked like a buddah!!), we put my dads personalized number plate on the grave and covered it in blue hearts and white stars confetti!! We bought flowers and an England flag and lion (for the world cup because dad wanted to see the tournament), some flower windmills and a metalwork fairy and a candle with "dad" on it! So now the grave looks lovely and bright and exactly what dad deserves!!!
Me and my mum are doing the Race 4 Life tomorrow. Im actually really excited even though i didnt train for it AT ALL!! So im gonna be a big fat sloth dragging myself along the course!! hehe!! It'll be fun though, with my mum!!
It was my birthday last week. It was a bit strange because it was the first one without my dad, so i didnt know how to react to it, it just seemed like another day. But all my friends and family messaged me and sent me cards and presents and Lee made a big deal out of the day and made me feel nice. I came home last night and my mum bought me a digital camcorder/camera and it is amazing! I havent put it down since last night and now i have crazy pictures of literally everything in the house!! hahaha!!
We went up to dads grave today because it is his birthday tomorrow. We bought a few different shaped helium balloons (a whale, a monkey and one that says "My dad is the best") that mean things to us and we bought a big buddah statue (Because one of the kids said my dad looked like a buddah!!), we put my dads personalized number plate on the grave and covered it in blue hearts and white stars confetti!! We bought flowers and an England flag and lion (for the world cup because dad wanted to see the tournament), some flower windmills and a metalwork fairy and a candle with "dad" on it! So now the grave looks lovely and bright and exactly what dad deserves!!!
Sunday, April 2, 2006
My Speech
This is my little speech for my dads funeral on Thursday;
I found writing this really hard. How do you write about one of the most important people in your life? Someone who has always been there no matter what and who gave you complete unconditional love…
I remember the first time I realised that we all die. I was watching a program with dad on the Egyptian mummies and I got really upset because I didn’t want my family to die. Dad gave me a cuddle and told me that when I was older I would understand, that made me feel better and I was happy with the fact that I’d go to heaven and be able to meet Freddie Mercury!!!! I hope Dads up there now with him because it was his music that we loved. Me, Dad and Chris would put Queen CDs on at full blast, while mum was at work on Sundays, and sing and dance in the dark. To this day Queen are my favourite band because their music holds such special memories for me.
Dad told me and Chris to play ‘The Show Must Go On’ today. That truly was his philosophy to everything, including his illness. He never gave in, even when me and him were arguing. We were both so stubborn, if he was right, I was righter and neither of us would back down!! He fought against his illness right up till the day before he died. The song says ‘I’ll face it with a grin, I’m never giving in’ and that’s exactly what dad did, with his cheeky smile. We all talked a lot about today before dad died. He didn’t want today to be all depressing and sad. He wanted it to be a FUNeral, not a funeral. I’m so proud of him, how he kept on cracking jokes and fought it so hard because he didn’t want to leave us.
A few weeks before he died he asked me if me and Chris blamed him for being sick because he smoked. Even when he was really sick he still thought about us and felt guilty. We could never blame him. He was so strong and didn’t deserve to be ill. He looked after us our whole lives and never let us down, how would we be able to blame him.
Even though Dad has died I still believe that I have a dad. He’s alive in our memories and when we talk about him. He helped turn me into who I am and I’m glad that I have the same annoying traits as him. No matter what happens he’s always there in who I am.
Dad, as Freddie Mercury said ‘your soul is painted like the wings of butterflies’, enjoy it up there and keep looking after us.
I found writing this really hard. How do you write about one of the most important people in your life? Someone who has always been there no matter what and who gave you complete unconditional love…
I remember the first time I realised that we all die. I was watching a program with dad on the Egyptian mummies and I got really upset because I didn’t want my family to die. Dad gave me a cuddle and told me that when I was older I would understand, that made me feel better and I was happy with the fact that I’d go to heaven and be able to meet Freddie Mercury!!!! I hope Dads up there now with him because it was his music that we loved. Me, Dad and Chris would put Queen CDs on at full blast, while mum was at work on Sundays, and sing and dance in the dark. To this day Queen are my favourite band because their music holds such special memories for me.
Dad told me and Chris to play ‘The Show Must Go On’ today. That truly was his philosophy to everything, including his illness. He never gave in, even when me and him were arguing. We were both so stubborn, if he was right, I was righter and neither of us would back down!! He fought against his illness right up till the day before he died. The song says ‘I’ll face it with a grin, I’m never giving in’ and that’s exactly what dad did, with his cheeky smile. We all talked a lot about today before dad died. He didn’t want today to be all depressing and sad. He wanted it to be a FUNeral, not a funeral. I’m so proud of him, how he kept on cracking jokes and fought it so hard because he didn’t want to leave us.
A few weeks before he died he asked me if me and Chris blamed him for being sick because he smoked. Even when he was really sick he still thought about us and felt guilty. We could never blame him. He was so strong and didn’t deserve to be ill. He looked after us our whole lives and never let us down, how would we be able to blame him.
Even though Dad has died I still believe that I have a dad. He’s alive in our memories and when we talk about him. He helped turn me into who I am and I’m glad that I have the same annoying traits as him. No matter what happens he’s always there in who I am.
Dad, as Freddie Mercury said ‘your soul is painted like the wings of butterflies’, enjoy it up there and keep looking after us.
I'll Face It With a Grin...
Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
Whatever happens,
I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I'm learning
I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning
Round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark
I'm aching to be free....
The show must go on,
The show must go on,
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On with the show
I'll top the bill,
I'll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the show
On with the show
The show must go on.
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
Whatever happens,
I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I'm learning
I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning
Round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark
I'm aching to be free....
The show must go on,
The show must go on,
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On with the show
I'll top the bill,
I'll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the show
On with the show
The show must go on.
Maybe it's Because I'm a Londoner
Hello everyone, Im back in London now. Got home last night! I couldnt wait to get home because i missed my mum and chris... but now im home i miss Lee!!! He is coming over on Tuesday and his sister and her kids are coming over on Wednesday!It was really weird flying last night because i was flying home for my dads funeral and it just felt really unreal and strange!! :( I still dont think its properly sunk in yet! Im worried abit that its just gonna come up one day and wack me in the face... cos im over having little moments of being upset at the moment!
When i was on the plane home last saturday it really hit me that my dad is gone. I had a little cry with Lee. I think that it was the fact that i was going back to every day life and that was the end of it, it was all normal and everyone else was getting on with their lives! I got really upset on Sunday night because i was back to work on Monday morning and i was really nervous about getting back into the swing of things! I knew i would be ok once i actually got into work (when you're surrounded by little kids, in a creche, you dont have a choice but to get on with it) but i just didnt want to make the effort and go in!! Lee told me it was normal... i dont want people to forget about my dad! I think thats what upset me most, i know its common and ok to feel this way, but i just felt like getting back to normal was gonna make everyone forget about him!! But everyone talked to me about my dad when i got to work and no one forgot about it!!
Im actually glad that there is 3 weeks between dad dying and his actual funeral. In Ireland people are normally buried with in 3 days. I dont know if i like that though. It took me a week and a half for it to actually register properly in my head that dad had died so if he had already been buried in that time it would've been a massive hit because that would have been everything over and done with and it really would have been just getting on with our lives. At least this way we have had time to really get used to it and it means we can give dad a last present from us by making his funeral EXACTLY what he wanted. Lee told me that when his mum died the funeral was just a blur to him and even now he doesnt remember some bits.... it was all such a rush. At least we can take in the whole day and remember it all! :)
When i was on the plane home last saturday it really hit me that my dad is gone. I had a little cry with Lee. I think that it was the fact that i was going back to every day life and that was the end of it, it was all normal and everyone else was getting on with their lives! I got really upset on Sunday night because i was back to work on Monday morning and i was really nervous about getting back into the swing of things! I knew i would be ok once i actually got into work (when you're surrounded by little kids, in a creche, you dont have a choice but to get on with it) but i just didnt want to make the effort and go in!! Lee told me it was normal... i dont want people to forget about my dad! I think thats what upset me most, i know its common and ok to feel this way, but i just felt like getting back to normal was gonna make everyone forget about him!! But everyone talked to me about my dad when i got to work and no one forgot about it!!
Im actually glad that there is 3 weeks between dad dying and his actual funeral. In Ireland people are normally buried with in 3 days. I dont know if i like that though. It took me a week and a half for it to actually register properly in my head that dad had died so if he had already been buried in that time it would've been a massive hit because that would have been everything over and done with and it really would have been just getting on with our lives. At least this way we have had time to really get used to it and it means we can give dad a last present from us by making his funeral EXACTLY what he wanted. Lee told me that when his mum died the funeral was just a blur to him and even now he doesnt remember some bits.... it was all such a rush. At least we can take in the whole day and remember it all! :)
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